Break my heart for what breaks yours…
I’ve prayed these words in song so many times.
And God sure delivers for me.
Honestly, sometimes, I wish He didn’t.
As an INFP, the troubles of this world weigh heavily on my heart. I have days where I struggle to focus on anything because I feel the pain of others so intensely.
But I remind myself that God made me this way for a reason. And I know He wants to use me and my super sensitive heart to encourage others and help them heal. Because if I didn’t know what it felt like to be broken, I wouldn’t fully appreciate being whole.
It Hits Deep
Recently, a friend invited me to TobyMac’s Hits Deep tour stop in Tampa. I went prepared with a purse stuffed with tissues, but, surprisingly, I held it together better than usual that night.
There was one song that really stuck with me though. It’s a song for all of us who struggle with anxiety, depression or just feeling broken and not good enough.
Maybe It’s Ok by Irish band We Are Messengers is a song that reminds us that we don’t have to be perfect, or even ok. We’re never going to measure up to the impossible expectations of this world. But that’s ok. We don’t have to. And no one should pressure us to. Because the one who holds the world is holding us in His hands.
None of us can do it on our own. And that’s ok. It’s much easier said than done, but if we let go of control and give our struggles to God instead of beating ourselves up day in and day out, we will find peace.
The Heavy Weight on the Strong Ones
The day after I heard this song performed, I woke up and started my usual routine. I dropped my Kindergartener off at school as I always do. Driving through the car line, I passed by the teachers and the local sheriff’s deputy there to direct traffic and ensure our kids safely enter the school.
When I got back home and started scrolling through my social media feeds, I read the news of a local deputy who passed away the day before. I later learned this was one of the deputies who often patrolled our school. April Rodriguez was an officer and a fellow mom whose child attended school with my son. And tragically, she was in pain, greater pain than anyone around her knew. She decided to end her life.
This news crushed me. And through my tears, I remembered the words of the We Are Messengers song I heard the night before: Maybe it’s ok if I’m not ok.
I wished April could have heard it. I wished someone had told her that she wasn’t alone in her struggle. She was a special woman who was so loved by her family, her friends and her squad. She was a strong woman who committed herself to serving our community. Sometimes, the weight of this world weighs the heaviest on the strong ones. April’s death will not define who she was.
We need to change the perception of mental health in our community and in our world. People need to know that it’s ok to not be ok. You are not alone.
If you’re struggling or want to share a positive message for those who are, please visit https://maybeitsok.com to join the Maybe It’s Ok movement.
If I didn’t know what it hurt like to be broken
Then how would I know what it feels like to be whole
If I didn’t know what it cuts like to be rejected
Then I wouldn’t know the joy of coming home
Maybe it’s ok if I’m not ok
Cause the one who holds the world is holding onto me
Maybe it’s alright if I’m not alright
Cause the one who holds the stars is holding my whole life
– “Maybe It’s Ok,” We Are Messengers
In loving memory of Deputy April Rodriguez.